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Tree

Dogs with a bone

Will trudged through the door of the sheriff’s office. Ray motioned Will into his personal office. He plopped on the chair beside Ray’s desk “What, Ray?”

“Are you ready for duty?”

“Yeah. They are driving me crazy. It’s like being stuck between two crazed starving Pit Bulls. I need quiet.”

A loud thump sounded. Ray glanced at the door. Joe and Mac pushed and shoved as they both attempted to get in the door. Neither gave way. Ray watched them for a few seconds. “Yeah. I think I see what you mean. So are you bringing the problem to work to share it?”

“Yeah. Or quiet them down. I don’t care as long as I can get some quiet. Ray, I can’t move without two noses stuck up my ass. I sneeze and two hankies get shoved under my nose. I say I’m hungry and I get a fight in the kitchen and two plates of food shoved at me. I am tired of being taken care of.”

Ray kept his eyes on the impasse at the door. “Hang on a second.”

He walked into the outer office. “Go to the sliding glass doors. Both of you. Now! That’s an order.” Will buried his hands when Ray turned back to him and said, “Yeah, I see what you mean.”

“Christ.”

“Shock collars might work. Go do paperwork. If you focus on that, there isn’t much they can do.”

“You wanna bet?”

Under the Bed

“Right.” Amber eyes burned into Mac. “How about we finish this shit and get out of here.”

A door opened and closed downstairs. Claws clacked on the hardwood floor. “Oh no, you don’t.”

The pet gate at the bottom of the stairs clanked shut.

“Mommy may have left the gate open, but you can’t go up there, Brutus.”

Will mouthed, ‘Brutus?’

Mac shook his head and shrugged mouthing back, ‘Chihuahua.’

“Daddy’s going to take a shower. Be good. Only pee on Mommy’s new rug since she is the one who wanted your nuts cut off.”

They flinched. Mac paled. Will figured he should. He had been damn close to losing his when Will found him on that floor with Joe yelling fuck me.

The pet gate rattled again. Will yanked the door open and all three of them dove through it. Footsteps moved closer then passed the door and another door opened and closed. All three exhaled.

A voice from the other room carried into the room. “Damn it. She put it in the guest room.”

Eyes widened and they exploded into movement. Mac sprinted for the window. He pushed on it only to realize it was locked. As he fumbled with the lock, Joe yanked open the closet door. Will caught his shirt, pulling him back and hissing at Mac. Annoyed, Mac glanced around at him. Will thrust his finger at the bed’s bottom. Mac faced him, hunched his shoulders and threw his hands up. Will mouthed ‘under’ as he flattened his hand and thrust it forward. Mac scrambled under the bed, but his shirt caught. Will grabbed and yanked. The rip echoed in the room as Mac flew under the bed. Will dropped and rolled after him with Joe on his heels. Joe’s warmth pressed against him as the door knob turned. That’s when he noticed a piece of Mac’s shirt hung on the bed.

If he saw that damn shirt, they were dead. Breaking and entering. Conducting a search without a warrant. Outside their jurisdiction, no less. Will stopped counting and lowered his head to the floor only to inhale dust. He stifled a sneeze.

Feet crossed the carpeting in front of him so close he heard the brush of the sneakers on the carpet. Mac’s gun poked him in the side. The sneakers vanished into the walk-in closet. Hangers rattled. Will whacked Joe when he slid away from Mac. Joe whacked him back. Mac poked Will and mouthed ‘Stop it.’

“Damn it. Where did she put it?”

They stopped breathing. Something scraped in the closet and they started breathing again.

Will felt a tickle on one of his sensitive spots on his leg. Mac stroked the spot with a finger. That meant Mac was bored. Like that damn blow job when they were on stakeout that ended up with him moving in with Mac. Shit. If only he could get his hand down there, he would break that damn finger. He arched against Joe trying to get away from Mac’s finger, but there was nowhere else to go… which was why Mac had the room to do the stroking. Damn it, he wanted to pound his head on the floor. That stroking shit always made his eyes cross.

A rumble started to build in Joe’s chest. It appeared that spot still made his eyes cross.

“Brutus?”

Mac stopped stroking his leg and Joe shut up. Seconds seemed like hours until the boxes started moving again.

It was a bad cop movie. Come to think of it, it was Mac’s damn fault they were under this bed to begin with. He’s the one who came up with the idea of breaking in. He was supposed to know when the house was clear. The next time he better swear on a stack of Bibles… that wouldn’t work. He was an atheist. Will forgot and lowered his head to the floor again. A sneeze built. Mac poked him. Joe grabbed his clothes and tried to haul Will closer. Shit, if he flipped this damn bed over, they were screwed. Goodbye career, hello jail. Honest to God, if they ever got out of this, he would kill both the sorry sons of bitches then hide the bodies where they would never be found, buy a ticket to Alaska, take a vow of celibacy and go live in the bush.

“Finally. Jesus, Nan, I said put it away not hide it.” A thump, then a scrape sounded from the closet. The sneakers reappeared. Will counted each step until the door closed behind them. No one moved. The shower in the other room came on then a voice erupted in song. He jabbed Joe in the ribs. Joe released him and rolled from under the bed, grabbing the piece of Mac’s shirt on the way. Will followed. When Mac slid out, Joe handed him the piece of his shirt.

Mac whispered, “Get ready to run for it. The window.”

“Aw, no. The dumpster is under that.” Will whispered back as they crawled out from under the bed.

“You rather do the front door? That damn Chihuahua came back with him. He’s got the run of the first floor. You might as well set off every alarm in the neighborhood if we set that damn dog off.”

“And three guys crashing into a dumpster won’t? Besides these are my Lucchese boots. Do you have any idea how much I paid for these? I don’t want to ruin them in some damn dumpster.” Will lifted one leg to show Mac the boots.

“Damn it next time wear normal shoes like the rest of…” Mac paused. “Are those the Classic Seville Goatskin ones with the medium toe?”

“Yeah. And I ain’t spending 1000 dollars on a pair of boots to ruin them.”

Mac examined the boots. “Are they comfortable? I was looking at them the other day.”

“Really comfortable.”

“Oh, Jesus Christ. If you two Marys get done here, feel free to fucking follow me anytime.” Joe opened the window and jumped.

Mac and Will stared at each other.

Will asked, “Did he just call us Marys?”

“Yep.” Mac said as he swung through the window.

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